‘Au pair’, as defined by the OED, is ‘a young foreign person. This person is typically a woman who helps with housework and childcare in exchange for board and lodging’.

This OED definition is like all others; it does not quite do the au pair experience justice. Yes, I was an English person living with an Italian family. Yes, I am a woman. Yes, I helped with housework and looked after a child. Yes, I did receive board and lodging. However, the OED’s definition, and any kind of blog or website, for that matter, cannot prepare you for what some might call ‘an experience like no other’…

Here are just some of the things I learned and experienced as an au pair in Italy:

1. Being ‘alone’ does not mean you are ‘lonely’…

I was determined to surround myself with as many interesting people as possible on my au pair journey. However, I knew that I would be spending a large portion of my time ‘alone’. Some of my best days in Italy were spent in complete solitude. I dined solo in a restaurant filled with loved-up couples in Cinque Terre. I explored the quiet backstreets of Venice and Padova. Being alone allowed me to truly appreciate the beauty around me. More importantly, it allowed me to be in the moment. I learned to move past feeling sad about dining alone in a beautiful restaurant. And I learned to embrace the occasional awkwardness of being on my own in public spaces. My outlook now? If I can go to a foreign country, order a glass of wine and sit at the bar with a book, alone – I can do pretty much anything.

2. Culture shock is real and not always pleasant…

I am, in essence, European. I have a deep appreciation for European culture. So, I didn’t think culture shock would be an issue for me. It’s Italy, after all. Who doesn’t love or feel on top of the world when they’re in Italy? Well, I can safely say that holidaying in Italy is much different to actually living in Italy (even if only temporarily)… I vividly recall ordering a cappuccino well after 11 in a traditional trattoria in Treviso. Suffice to say I haven’t made a mistake like that since… Looking back, though, it was moments like that which endeared me to the particularities of the Italian culture. That, and eating spaghetti carbonara with a knife and fork. Mamma mia…

3. People won’t always want to speak or practice English with you…

This one is pretty self-explanatory but one I had to experience, nonetheless. I wasn’t so well-traveled before my time in Italy and I seldom practiced my language skills. Au pairing last-minute is a great way to unintentionally throw yourself into the deep end. You will experience sheer terror at your first encounter with a local. Especially if this local does not speak your mother-tongue. For me, 99% of these encounters were pleasant. In fact, they often ended in laughter and a ‘piacere’. However, the other 1% can make you feel, as we say in English, ‘flat as a pancake’. Over time, I learned to block out this feeling and instead, adopt an open-minded approach. Such experiences served as a humbling reminder. Though English is a global language, it is still very much an exclusive language. All that said, a lack of understanding does not have to compromise the potential to connect with someone. Some of my fondest exchanges were with the Italian nonni, all of whom spoke not a lick of English. There’s nothing quite as pure as that.

4. Mistakes are part of the au pair package…

Mistakes are inevitable. And as a first-time au pair, sometimes necessary. You will lose your way on that first after-school pick up. You will cook the pasta past the point of al dente. You will struggle to get your host-child to do their homework. You will set off the home alarm, more than once. You will make mistakes and you will give yourself a hard time thereafter. My advice? Embrace the mistakes. Embrace the fact that some days are just, hard. Be gentle with yourself and remember, ‘to err is au pair’.

5. You are the main character of your life.❤️

Wherever you decide to embark on your au pair journey, remember that it is your journey and yours alone. Whether you stay in your host country for one year, six months or, like me, a mere three months, cherish every minute of it. Before you know it, you will be saying goodbye to your host family, to your home away from home. Before you know it, you will be on that flight, wondering, ‘where did the time go?’ Before you know it, you will be somewhere else, looking back on, and thinking fondly of your time as an au pair. And maybe, if you’re lucky, you might just find your way back to your host country.